Tuesday, September 20, 2005

John Hinckley No Longer Insane, Ready To Go Home. Nancy Reagan Not Happy.


Two decades after John Hinckley nearly assassinated President Ronald Reagan, government psychiatrists have testified that the mental patient is ready for release.

According to Dr. Robert Keisling, Hinckley's only remaining problem is that he cannot hook up with women at a state hospital.

"Do we call that normal?" Hinckley's attorney inquired.

"I would," Keisling affirmed.

Twenty-four years ago, on that fateful early-spring morning in 1981, Ronald Reagan had been in office for seventy days.

Exiting the Washington Hilton after a speech to organized labor, the president paused for a final wave outside his limo.

Fifteen feet away, John Hinckley dropped to a marksmen's pose and opened fire with his, recently-purchased, .22 German pistol.

The first of six exploding Devastator bullets ripped into the head of press secretary James Brady.

The second dropped policeman Thomas Delahanty.

The third and fifth went wild.

The fourth hit self-sacrificing secret service agent Timothy McCarthy in the chest.

The final slug tore into the President's lung, stopping inches from his heart.

At the hospital, Reagan nearly bled to death. Doctors saved his life on the operating table, but the commander-in-chief lost half of his blood supply in the process.

In 2005, Hinckley's psychiatrists testify that he has no symptoms of mental illness. The preceding judge must rule if Hinckley should be released to his parents' supervision.

Reached for comment, former first lady Nancy Reagan said, "If that mother****** is ever set free, I'll blast a hole in his ass the size of Libya. And I'll go Katrina on every Hinckley in the ***damned planet!"






Photo of Nancy Reagan courtesy of Richard La Fond at La Fond Photography
http://www.lafondphotography.com/gallery/hollywood/

©2005 zombieH

3 Comments:

At 5:55 PM, September 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very clever. I see you are using your powers for good and not evil. Though I am having some difficulty imagining Nancy using such profane language. Keep up the good work.

 
At 8:13 PM, September 27, 2005, Blogger Unknown said...

Your a funny guy and worth coming back again to read your next post!

 
At 6:16 PM, September 28, 2005, Blogger Unknown said...

This one, for the record, slayed me. You have an amazing talent. Add to that, a very sick mind. I'll be back for more of this. Keep it coming you psycho fucker!

Love,

TM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home